Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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