The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
