On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
