You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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