Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
