my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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