I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
