I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
