A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
