I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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