bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
