bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
