i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
