I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
