you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
