oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
