I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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