That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
