Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
