this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
