my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
