this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize