Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
