i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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