I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
