i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
