now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
