Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
