How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
