Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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