I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
