This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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