I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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