Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
