I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
