the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize