I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
