Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
