Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
