apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
