Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
