Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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