11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
