I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
