im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
