If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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