I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
