where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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