my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
