Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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