bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
