Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
