literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
