if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you never un-have a 4some
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
