guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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