: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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