I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
