that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
