I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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