k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
