i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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