saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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