I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
