The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize