We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
