It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
