we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
