i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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