dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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