It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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