there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
