sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize