During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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