Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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