I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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